Elder Schroeder's Mission Blog

I Speak for the Dead

Well, we got to speak at a funeral. A funeral of someone we had never met. Never even heard of. But since she was a member of the church, we spoke at her funeral. Definitely an interesting experience. What do you say about someone that you never knew? It’s a rhetorical question. You talk about how you can find comfort and peace in Jesus Christ. There’s never a bad time to talk about Jesus Christ.

The work here is going good. Things are picking up and we’re actually just gonna go even more hog wild this week. We also had to bike in the snow because life’s an adventure. The problem is that I have one of those diet bikes, where the wheels are thinner than paper and you actually just sink right into the snow and spin out every time you try to pedal. So it was a bit more of a bike walk on the uphills, and a bike slide on the way down. But we did it. You bet your badgers that we did it.

As far as good stories go we don’t really have any…

But I guess we’ll keep this email nice and short, for all those people out there with busy lives. Enjoy the pictures this time, it actually worked.

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

• Great Value – I’m sure we are all familiar with the Great Value brand, but let me tell you, it has carried us thus far here in Woodward. When you can’t afford quality, and you just need enough food to survive, Great Value has your back. Beggars can’t be choosers, and are we not all beggars?

Pics:

• The piano adventures of last week
• The snow of last week
• Also, I think that’s the happiest I’ve ever looked in a picture

The Piano Guys

Alright, let’s start with the great news: It snowed! We got about 3 inches of snow, which are rookie numbers if you ask me, but hey, I’m just glad we have snow. I miss the mountains and climate of the greatest of the 50 states (Colorado), but snow is snow.

We’re trying to teach people here, and the best source we have is Facebook, so that’s what we’re using. You’d be surprised how many people will accept a friend request if you just have mutual friends, so we’re starting conversations with people, and then they leave us on read a lot of the time, but that’s ok, because there are a few that actually talk to us.

The highlight of the week had to be helping this guy move a piano. One of the great things about being a missionary is that if you tell people you’re willing to drive 40 minutes to help them move a piano, they let you! So we drove 40 minutes to this random dude’s apartment and we found the piano outside in the parking lot, and we met the guy. He told us we just had to move this piano around to the other side of the building, and throw it in a storage shed. He told us that this piano was a hundred years old, and it had ivory keys, and mahogany wood, just really selling us on how priceless this glorious instrument was, and why he didn’t want to get rid of it. So we start pushing it, because it had wheels, but my guess would be that those wheels hadn’t been moved in about 40 years, and we just scraped them along the sidewalk, leaving a nice trail behind of our progress. But we got it to the shed, and opened up the door. We managed to get the front half in, and then we shoved the other part in, and turned it and it fit like a glove! At least that’s what I’d like to say.

In fact, this piano rammed into the wall, and there was no way it was going to fit. Well, the guy just said we have to push harder, despite it already boring into the wall. But he started to go, so we joined him, and it just made a hole in the wall. Yikes. This was an apartment-owned shed. And I had gotten behind the piano to try and drag it from the inside, and I was now trapped, surrounded by LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF DEAD SPIDERS.

Yahoo.

But he goes off to get some “tools” to help get this piano in. And I’m looking at Elder Miller like, “The only tools that could get this piano into this shed would be a woodchipper and a chainsaw.” There was no way we were getting this piano in. But we were like, “Yo let’s say a prayer!” Classic missionary move. So we do that, and the guy gets back. He’s got a flathead screwdriver and a hammer: the tools of a master. Or a madman. And he’s eyeballing this piano, looking at where it’s running into the frame, and then he’s like, “Well, I guess the front’s gotta go.” And then he just starts pounding this screwdriver into the front of the piano!! After a good couple minutes of him destroying a priceless artifact, he rips the front end off the piano and we give it another push. Well, we got about another 2 inches into the room, but we had 9 more to go. Progress.

Well, since he didn’t want to deface this piece of American history anymore, he decided that the doorframe was next to go. He slides the screwdriver into the crack in the wood, and just goes to town. Well, that only got us a little bit further. Rinse and repeat that one, with him removing more and more of this door frame, as we shove it into this room and make the hole in the wall bigger. He kept finding more and more property to destroy to try to make this piano fit and at one point was busting the hole in the wall open with his hammer to try and make more space. After an hour and a half of me stuck in 4 square feet of fun, and this man creating property damage so expensive he could pay for my mission, he started to lose hope, and started to gain a more “broad” vocabulary. Well, we had places to be, and we were hoping this would be an in and out experience, but we told him we had to go, and he was pacing around cussing up a storm. So I was just like, “Alright, one more time.” And we all brace ourselves and push with everything we got. AND THROUGH SHEER MIRACLE, THE PIANO ENTERED INTO THE SHED!! Along with the door frame, the sill, and part of the wall. We had gotten this piano in, and I could hear the announcer of that one show going, “SHOW US…. THE HOLE IN THE WALL!!” There really wasn’t much of a door frame on one side of the hole, and this historic artifact had been messed up in the process. But the guy was glad to have the piano in, and I was just glad to be out of that shed. When he surveyed all the damage he had done, he was just like, “I got a friend that can do some wood work, and I’ll have him fix this door up real nice.” And we’re just like, “DAWG IT’S GONNA TAKE A WHOLE NEW DOOR TO FIX THE DAMAGE YOU DID!” We didn’t say that, but we sure were thinking it. That piano and shed were damaged beyond repair, but our prayer was answered. He also said he’d be willing to listen to our message!! So you gotta take what you can get. I can’t do the story justice, but it was a sight to behold. The piano also sounded like it was screaming in pain every time he tried to smash another piece of it off.

Other than that, not too many crazy things happened. I learned I can hide pens in my hair and had one in all throughout a dinner with these people, but other than that, nothing much. The piano was the best I’ve got, and for some reason the pictures aren’t uploading, so we’ll try to get those in next week.

Thanks for reading this (if you did), and have a great week!

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

• Colorado – Actually the best state out there, from its great weather, to its mountains. It’s also got water that tastes better than all the other water I have ever drinken. And if you didn’t think there was a difference in water taste between states, I can assure you there is. Utah water is practically motor oil in comparison to the nectar of the gods back in Colorado.

Reading: OPTIONAL

So for those who are unaware (which is apparently a lot of you), I asked in my last email for people to respond to my weekly email if they even read it…. There were FIVE responses. Higher than I was expecting. But that is alright; I hold nobody at fault. I’m sure every person on my email list could write me a lengthy essay explaining why they failed to respond with even a semicolon, but I’m quite sure each one of you are far too busy to do such a thing.

So I will just make the email shorter! That way I don’t take up too much of everyone’s day.

• I ate an entire potato raw (I’d get into details, but it would take a bit to explain all that).
• Using 102 pictures of Jesus Christ, I created a card temple (I don’t think you need any more information).
• I shook an open bottle of lemonade, which I thought was closed, and plastered the walls, floor and ceiling with lemonade. Scholars classified it as a “Sticky Situation”.
• Put our massive glass goblet that looks like the Holy Grail in the sink and set it up as a booby trap, and in order to test its effectiveness, used it on myself. An unqualified success.
• Found out I’m staying in Woodward for another 6 weeks with my guy Elder Miller. He’s cool so it’ll be a good time.

Hopefully I didn’t take up too much of your day, I’m sure each and every person reading this is just about up to their nostrils in work, so if you happen to read this, thanks! If not, I harbor no grudges. But we still have the 18th this week (technically) sooooo….

THE RAFFLE:

Anyways, maybe we’ll get to write some more on next week’s email, but we’ll see what happens.

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

• Nathan – My guy Nathan responded to my email and it was a pleasure to hear from him. He’s about 8 feet tall, and we call him the “White Shadow.” A good man through and through.

Pics:

• The fiendish booby trap that I set and played upon myself
• The card temple

Finessing Old People

Well, we’re still working out here in Woodward. Things are pretty groovy… we’re living it up. Not too much to do, but we’re finding things and getting more people to listen to us.

Now on to the events of the week:

I got hit in the eye with a tree branch. No cap. Basically, we were doing some service, and I was trimming these low-hanging tree branches, and when I clipped one of them, it dove like a hawk, and finessed right past my glasses, and nailed me right in the eye. It was a wild time, but I don’t blame the trees. I was literally chopping off their arms, Ammon style.

Now this next story begins with a rumor I heard near the beginning of my mission. Since the church owns the cars we drive, everyone who drives has to watch these videos and stuff about how to not be a stupid driver, and you get a card that you have to log in to your vehicle with. And I was told by some guys in the mission when I first got my card that if you ever went over 90mph, they instantly took away your driving card, and you don’t get to drive for the rest of your mission. Now, I assumed that was an easy thing. Not so. We were zooming down the highway, going 75, and we’re behind this semi in a two-lane road, with the yellow stripes where you can cross into the oncoming traffic lane to zoom past grandmas. Well, semi boy was actually semi grandma, and we were gonna pass him. So I poke out, and see that there aren’t cars coming for a bit. So I hopscotch into the lane and start going. The thing is, I didn’t punch it as hard as I should’ve, and those cars were coming a bit faster than I wanted them to. But I was already committed. I couldn’t back down now. So I literally went pedal to the metal, and we shot ahead of the semi and got back in our lane, with seconds to spare. Then I looked at the speedometer, and we were going 94.

Oop.

So I had to explain all of that to Elder Miller, how I’m pretty much condemned to a fate worse than death with that one stunt right there. But it’s now been 4 days since then, and we haven’t gotten anything from any of the big cheeses… So I’m believing more and more that it was an old wives’ tale that if you break 90 you never get to drive again. But if that changes this week, you’ll find out on the next email.

So we have this chess set in our apartment, and we’ll play that sometimes for lunch. But after a little bit, we realized that chess is a children’s game in its current state, so we had to vamp it up to our intellectual level by making minor adjustments to the rules of pawns. We tried having all the pawns act like knights, then like rooks, and then we just started thinking of any other movement pattern they could follow, and played it out. It actually makes the game go by a lot faster when every other move gets rid of someone’s piece.

Then this one time, we were at this family’s house, and I remember hearing their last name being Ramirez or Sanchez, but when the dad goes to get everyone, I quickly ask Elder Miller what their name was, but he’s actually no help at all because he just tells me the dad’s first name. Great. But then they’re all back in the room, and I decide to just send it and ask. So I’m like, “Is your last name Ramirez or Sanchez?” and the dad’s like, “It’s Castro…”

Oop.

So that was riveting. I’d love to live that one over and over again. But I’ll never forget their name now, so there’s that.

I also caught a fly with my bare hands, which made me feel like the pinnacle of the food chain, so that was cool.

Then we were having our SECOND DINNER OF THE TRANSFER, and we went to their house, and he had some breakfast for dinner, truly an ageless classic. But I pound down two big pancakes, and some eggs and sausage, and feel nicely fed. Then of course since they’re old, they insist I have more to eat. So I decide to grab a sausage, and manage to get that down. NOW, I have been stuffed to the brim. But old people are vicious. And the guy insists that I have another pancake. So I slide it onto my plate, and prepare to die. But I have my guy Elder Miller right next to me, and I concoct a recipe for success. I cut the pancake in half, and slowly start on one of the halves. Then, I kick Elder Miller in the shin. I had to get his attention. Then, using only my eyes, I look at the pancake half I’m not eating, look at his plate then look straight at him, desperately trying to convey the message of: HELP ME. Well, dinner goes on for another minute or two, and I’m still working on my pancake, but both old people look down at their food at the exact same time, and like a coiled viper, Elder Miller strikes. QUICK AS A CHEETAH AND SLY AS A FOX Elder Miller snatches the other pancake half on my plate and pulls it onto his plate, and just starts to cut into it. RIGHT UNDER THEIR NOSES!! I was impressed, it was executed flawlessly. Elder Miller saved my life that fateful night, it was glorious.

And that wraps up my week. I know I said I was gonna do THE RAFFLE this week, but the 18th is technically next week, so all of you can learn to exercise patience a little more in your life.

But thanks to the real ones that read these. Out of curiosity, I would like everyone that reads these to email me back something. Anything you want. Whether it be a single word, or just a semicolon. Then my inbox will be POPPING OFF next week when I check all of them. Or I will be seriously disappointed in some people. But what’s new. Anyway, have a good one, catch ya next week.

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

• Bryce – My guy Bryce is gonna be a missionary in SOUTH KOREA!! What a guy! He’s super cool, and he’s gonna kill it over there. He’ll have to learn a WILD language, but that’ll make it so ALL of the friends who are serving missions from my home town are going foreign.

Kricket Killers

Well, it’s gonna be a quick one. So pretty much everyone we’re trying to get in contact with out here isn’t answering us, and the ones that usually do are moving away. So we’re just pushing forward. Still a good time though!

Something fun we did: we found this little book in our apartment about how to fold dollar bills into airplanes. And not like paper airplanes you throw– we’re talking B-22 Stealth Bombers and WW2 fighter planes. And then we kept ’em in our car until we found the next homeless person begging for money, which didn’t take long. So we gave her the COOLEST 2 dollars she’ll ever get.

I think she was more confused than anything when we handed her these professional grade paper planes. She probably wanted more money too, instead of just 2 bucks, but you know what they say, “Beggars can’t be choosers.”

Then we also had to bike to church, since we can’t just drive a car around willy nilly, and I realized that it had been a while since I broke the bike out, so my back tire was outta air. But I didn’t realize that until we were over halfway there. And if you didn’t know this, you will now, if your back tire is practically flat while you’re biking, it slides around on the ground a lot, and you pretty much drift as you take turns. Wild stuff. But then we walked our bikes home at like 8 o’clock that night.

Then on another night, we found the FATTEST cricket of my life, and when we realized it, Elder Miller, without hesitation, grabbed the frisbee we have, and just threw it right at the cricket, TRON style. And somehow, he hit it. Then I went over to finish the job, and was trying to throw this deflated basketball at it, but it was too close to the wall from the time the frisbee knocked it over there. So I had to lay a napkin over him and run him over with the vacuum wheels. Now, I love Nestle crunch, but that was SOMETHING ELSE. It was loud, and it was NASTY. I never want to have to do that again. Good golly.

Then we had this thing called General Conference this weekend, which is where a bunch of the leaders of our church spit straight wisdom to the world, and share really good messages. 10/10, recommend you check it out. But our mission President’s wife asked for all the missionaries to get pictures of how they were watching GC, and with whichever person was speaking. So of course we decided to get a picture with literally everyone that spoke. So that was fun. And then they also showed a picture when talking a little bit about missionaries having to come home from foreign countries because of Coronavirus, and they LITERALLY USED A PICTURE WITH ELDER MILLER IN IT. He was freaking out for the next 20 minutes, it was insane. That’s the closest thing you can get to being famous in the church. It was pretty cool though. He’s also got a rad hat on.

And that’s about it for the week. Thanks for tuning in, and I guess we’re doing ANOTHER RAFFLE next week because time is flying by way too fast down here. Anyways, have a good one guys.

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

Elder Miller – This man was on a worldwide broadcast, and the fame hasn’t got to his head. Way to be humble my guy

Pics:

• Since we took pictures with LITERALLY EVERYONE that talked in General Conference, the name is number 26.
• We found a scorpion in the church.

Moment of Silence for Shoutouts

So to start off, we’ll update everyone on the work here. It’s going. We’re trying to teach a bunch of people, but lots of flaking out is still occurring, so we just find ways to fill that time, whether it be studying more, or trying to message random people on Facebook. Wild stuff. But it’s fun out here, so we’re chillin’.

Anyway, this week we went to do some service at this museum, and when we finished, they asked us if we had anything for them to sign, and I was like, “Shalom?” And they explained how they thought we were some juvy kids or something that had to do community service. Come on son, do I look like a screw-up to you? Check yourself, boy.

Then we put up a free Book of Mormon on this for-sale page on Facebook, because you know, who doesn’t want free stuff, and this bumbling preacher boy just starts commenting “IT’S HERESY!! The Book of Mormon has been debunked time and time again!!” And we just laughed at this pathetic man’s attempt to stop the work of God. Some people’s kids these days. But we didn’t want to get into a big bash, so we just didn’t say anything on the post.

And honestly, that’s about all the crazy noteworthy stuff that’s happened this week. I did however get the latest raffle video made, and it’s my pride and joy, so I hope everyone takes the time to watch it. I put a lot of work into it, and so help me if I don’t get a reply, I’m going to staple somebody to the ceiling.

Anyway, have a good one guys.

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

• Nobody – Shoutouts are dead, I’m gonna start shouting out anything I can think of now
• Sidewalks – For keeping me off the streets
• My Legs – For supporting me
• My Arms – For being by my side

Tales of a Top Tier Chef

Alright, things happened this week. No idea how interesting those things are, though. We’ve had a bunch of video calls with people throughout the week, which is always a good time. We’ve had probably 90% of our lessons cancel on us this week, so that’s a sad little statistic.

Alright, we got some GREAT news. I made grilled ham and cheese for lunch (again), and I’ve just about got it perfected. I know precisely where the temperature of the stove needs to be, how long the sandwich should be there, the right amount of cheese and ham, and how to get it perfectly golden brown on the outside while having cheese that is literally melted so well it’s like a flowing river of pure, cheesy goodness. Wow, truly something to taste. Hope anyone out there who skipped lunch is really feeling that grilled ham and cheese right about now.

Then on to a tale of true pain. THIS IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. So after a year of being in Oklahoma, and NOT wearing a retainer… I decided to just full send it and try to get this bad boy back in my mouth. I figure if I can just tough it out through the sheer pain until it fits again, I won’t have to worry about my teeth after the mission. So night one, I popped the bottom in, and it was pretty easy, still hurt a bit, but it was nothing compared to the top. At first, I couldn’t fit the top in. Like my teeth hurt SO MUCH, that I couldn’t get through it. So I had to gradually work up to that. So I’m sitting in this pitch black room, just on my bed as I slowly inch this piece of pain plastic into my mouth. It hurt. Oh it hurt BAD. But I eventually got it to the point where it stayed, without me pressing it into my teeth. And once it finally stayed on it’s own, I just laid there, looking up into the abyss of pain itself, as I yelled on the inside. I didn’t want to bother my guy Elder Miller who was sleeping on the other side of the room, but I was breathing so furiously through my nostrils that poor chap was probably wide awake. Then of course, the day finally arrived after that night of glorious slumber, and I’m thinkin, “Boy oh boy, I’ll get to pop these things out and all the pain will just vanish from my mouth!” Well. That didn’t happen. It was still in pain until about 3 that day, so that was pretty cool. But that was just night one. We’ve done 3 nights so far, and I’m just gonna keep going until it doesn’t hurt. Hopefully you guys enjoyed that fun little update on my mouth.

Ah yes, and then we can’t forget about our water buffalo adventure. So that massive slab or ground beef we have, that I made seasoned beef with last week? Yeah, that’s still hanging around. PROBLEM IS: On one occasion where I placed it in some water to help it thaw, the bag had the tiniest hole, and it got mixed in with the beef. And then I threw it back in the freezer… SO, there was just a chunk of raw cow in this frozen meaty water juice the next time I took it out. And I took it out when we were about halfway through dinner time, so I couldn’t waste a single moment, and I needed to get this beef from being mixed with water and frozen together in a bag, to being broken apart and cooking in a pan. And I had about 20 minutes to do that. So cut to me slamming frozen meat in a bag against the countertops. Nothing. The meat refused to break into manageable pieces. So I had to grab this 25 pound weight we had, and go to town on this thing. Still nothing. Well, there goes 7 minutes, so I end up just throwing the whole thing in the pan, and start grillin. Now, the water is melting, and I’m having to lift this meat up every 30 seconds or so, just so I can scrape off the meat that has broken off of the main chunk, so it can swim around in the pan pool. Then I have to take the pan over to the sink, and drain out the water without losing any meat. Oh man, it was a process. BUT, we got it done. And the meat wasn’t bad! So it all worked out. And we got a new bag! It ended up getting ripped (no idea how) and so this new bag will keep it safe. And since most of the ice melted off, it’s no longer a stew. All’s well that ends well I guess.

And wow. That’s the week. A bit long, but shoutout to all the champs that read this.

So, technical difficulties with the raffle, we got it redrawn and everything, but I don’t have it uploaded yet, because it’s like, TEN MINUTES LONG, but it will go up either today or tomorrow I hope. So here’s the link again, and check it to see if you win sometime this week. Who knows? It could be you…

THE RAFFLE:

Over and out

SHOUTOUTS:

• Conor – My guy Conor is just such a great guy, I gotta give him one.
• Conner – My other guy Conner is also such a great guy, so he gets one too.

Pics:

• On the 18th we went and got shakes for my one-year mark
• The FATTEST CHUNK OF BEEF (it kinda looked like a giant heart, which was cool)

The Bee Crusades of 2020

Alright, so I’m in Woodward now. And it’s out in the middle of nowhere, so that’s different from all the cities I’ve served in, but it’s cool. We spent Tuesday driving for forever, so that was fun, but from Wednesday on, we’ve been here in the corner of the state.

Alright, so something that is out here are BEES. And for some reason, they are always where we are when we’re talking to someone outside. Like, no exceptions. Talking to our friend who’s fixing his taillight in the middle of the day, bees. Visiting a member outside, bees. Just standing there looking like an idiot, bees. And bees just cruise on up to you, and try to land on you, for some unknown reason. Like, you’re moving your arms while you’re talking and these bees are just like, “Yeah bro, I’m just gonna try to land on that.” Like BRO, don’t you have honey to go make?? I don’t know what they’re trying to do, and I’m not about to fight bees, cuz those little guys are dying, so I just have to try to communicate with them via dance, because that’s how bees communicate (Thanks Phineas and Ferb).

Then I decided one night that rather than have another ham and cheese sandwich for dinner, I would break out some cooking skills, and have some real food. And being the cuisine machine that I am, I pulled out some beef from the freezer and all the spices in our cabinets, and just went to town. I smelled the spices and sprinkled them in according to my gut feeling. And not gonna lie, some of the best beef I’ve had in my life. There was actually nothing else besides seasoned beef, but it was still very nice.

And I guess to wrap this up, so far every single day, when 4:20 rolls around, we look at the time and we’re both like, “Ayyyyy it’s 4:20!” But like, we just look at the time for any reason and it just happens to be right at that lovely time. Every single day since Tuesday. Truly amazing.

But yeah, that was our week, we’re just going hard on that missionary work, bringing eternal joy to people’s souls, pretty cool stuff. And somehow it’s the 18th again this week soooooo….

THE RAFFLE:

SHOUTOUTS:

• MakanaLani – So she used to serve in Oklahoma, but she finished her 18 months and dipped outta here. She’s actually super cool though, and was a killer missionary. She’s Apache and has a super cool name too. What a legend.

Also with the shoutouts, we got quite a few responses from last time, and there’s no other missionaries out here, so my P-days are gonna consist of me writing emails and shopping, yahoo!

Over and Out

Pics:

• The godfather of beef itself
• My guy Elder Miller

I Look Like a Charity Case

So, first off, I’m gonna be leaving Fair Oaks and going to a place called Woodward, which is the butt cheek of the mission, literally the very top left, and the area that is the farthest away from everyone else. So yeah, some fun times.

But anyway, here’s the good stuff:

Well, I had another bake-off this week. I challenged some Sisters to a cookie-making contest, and they foolishly accepted. I don’t know why people accept that challenge; that’s literally my best talent. Imagine Michael Phelps challenging you to a swimming contest, and you just saying “yes”, thinking you can win. LITERALLY NOT EVEN A CHANCE AT SUCCESS!! But of course, these clowns had no clue they were about to be humiliated. And then the time came, and when we compared cookies, well… I THREW DOWN and won by approximately 3 landslides. They made some wack lookin’ chocolate chip cookies with salted caramel drizzled over the top, and I was over here with chocolate chip cookies that got Oreo’s and Reese’s on the inside like a straight THUG. Also, their cookies were mad salty, but I didn’t have the nerve to tell them I was eating a cow lick, so we just never had a clear winner. (Actually we did, and it was me, but that shall remain unspoken.)

We also got to help some people move into their apartment, and of course, they made a tactical error and tried to pay us. Like, bro. What are you even doing? Get that wack stuff outta here. It’s called service for a reason. What is it with people trying to pay me these days, honestly. I guess I just look SO trashy, they decide to take pity on me.

But then get this: A member came to drop off dinner to us one day, and he asked if we needed anything, and the sole of my shoe was like halfway off, so I asked him if he had any shoe glue or something like that (cuz I had tried using Elmer’s Glue, but that’s about as effective as rubbing sand and water on it, so I had to figure something else out). But this guy literally saw the shoes and was like, “It looks like you just need new shoes. What size are you?” And I told him, and this ALPHA MALE just pulls up Amazon and straight buys me new shoes. BRUH. And I was trying to stop him, cuz I’m no charity case, but he didn’t care. He was like, “Too late, they’re ordered, and they’ll be here on Tuesday.” But like, I’m traveling all the way up to the butt cheek of the mission on Tuesday, sooooo…. I guess we’ll try to get that all figured out tomorrow. But what a Chad move. He pulled that off, just flexin’ on me like that. I’m super grateful though, I can’t be complaining.

Alright, HERE’S THE GOOOOOOD SAUCE:

So, there’s this random guy who rides a four-wheeler around the church parking lot. He lives just down the road from the church. And we’ve seen him just zoom by many times, so one day we decided we would go outside as he’s coming around, and see what he does. Will he flip a 180 and hope we don’t yell at him? Will he give us a hearty wave? Maybe he just won’t care, WHO KNOWS?? So we had to see. And we hear that little ATV come zoomin’ by, so we pop outta the door, and look to see where our guy is. Well, we see him, and he’s zoomin’ all right, just gunnin’ it down on one end of the lot. But then, rather than turn and follow the parking lot like we thought, this man LITERALLY just DRIVES STRAIGHT THROUGH THE SURROUNDING FENCE. Like, he just SENT IT. He crashed through it, and into this car dealership on the other side. He’s near the other end of the parking lot, so we’re all there, jaws dropped, wondering what we should do. So we start to walk over there, and after about 30 seconds we hear that trusty ATV rev up again, and he kicks it outta there. We were so confused. He was facing forward the whole time, and he had to drive up onto a curb in order to even get to the fence, and then he had to be going fast enough to break THROUGH the fence. Cut to about two minutes later, with us wondering what to do and laughing about what just transpired. The same ATV comes back into the parking lot. But the guy that was riding before isn’t on it this time– it’s these two random girls who pull up next to the church’s front entrance and proceed to do a PHOTO SHOOT. LITERALLY, ONE OF THEM STARTS POSING ON THE ATV WHILE THE OTHER SNAPS PICS IN FRONT OF A CHURCH. WHAT?? Anyway, after they drove off, we ended up talking to the car dealership guy when he came through the fence, told him what we saw, gave him our number and dipped. I don’t know what was going through that man’s mind, if anything, but I would be willing to give all 3 dollars in my wallet to find out. The closest guess we have is either drugs or absolutely zero impulse control. “I could just drive right through that fence…… I think I will.” Oh my concerto. I’m still lost about the whole thing.

But yeah, that’s the week. I’ll let you know more about Woodward and my new comp Elder Miller next week, but until then, keep it tight, thanks for reading this.

Over and Out

And I say thanks for reading this because I FOUND ANOTHER PERSON THAT DOESN’T!!

RAFFLE:

SHOUTOUTS:

• We’re just gonna list a few names this time, and if you see your name, shoot me an email, just so I get an idea of how many people even read these, because I could be spending my precious P-day time playing games, but instead I type all this out. So if not enough people respond….. Don’t be surprised if this is the last email I send out.
• Kyle
• Nick
• Conner
• Sadie
• Abby
• Brooklynne
• My own dad
• Kenny
• Bryce
• Eliza
• Ethan
• Patrick
• Ryan

Time to weed out all the snakes…

Pics:

• I made an Infinity Gauntlet
• The fence that mad lad drove through
• We got together for a missionary meeting and then climbed in the church bus and took a sick pic

Finessed by an Asian Guy

So what even happened this week? Well, for starters, I FINALLY ENDED THE ROCK PAPER SCISSORS LOSE STREAK!! After Elder Livingston got 18 wins in a row… Yes, EIGHTEEN TIMES IN A ROW!! Literally defies ALL logic. But I finally brought that curtain closed earlier this week. It felt good to be back, but I was a little disappointed he didn’t break 20 in a row…

Then we went to this service project where we loaded boxes of food into people’s cars, and two fun things happened. First, this lady demanded I take her 3 dollars, and when I tried to hit her with the NAH card, she just threw these crumpled up bills at me like some kinda charity case, then basically burned rubber as she peeled outta there. Then this random Asian guy came up to us, and he had hopped out of his car to go unlock his truck for us, and when it swung open, we saw the food boxes he had gotten from the station before us. And I’m trying to say, “Oh, looks like they already got you some boxes”, but this guy is just like, “Thank you so much sir, thank you, thank you.” And he starts to just take the boxes out of my hand. And he’s thanking me as he does this, and then just gets back in his car and just, whips outta there. I was just dumbfounded. Oh well, I’m sure he’ll use the food for good.

Also, our dryer sounds like someone is beating a screeching weasel against a cracked Chinese gong. It’s very pleasing to the ears. Nah, not really. But when we have to dry our clothes, we just try to bar the door shut with a stool and some rope, and muffle the sound as much as we can. Then we go into another room and still hear it. So it’s a pretty fun time over here. Also, it dries at about the same rate that glaciers move. So you have to run your clothes for about a good 3 hours before they can be worn comfortably.

And that wraps my week up nicely. Thanks for reading this! At least all the people that actually do. I found another person that doesn’t, so we get to do the RAFFLE AGAIN!!!

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

• Kaitlyn – So she’s been married to my older brother Alex for a year, as of a few days ago! Don’t know how she hasn’t snapped, because my brother is just something else entirely. Nah I’m kidding, my brother is a cool fella.

Pics:

So I tried to make microwave s’mores with chocolate chips and…. They, how you say, expanded.