I Love Rubbing Mud on My Face
So we begin our adventure with Elder Anderson as my companion. He’s a pretty cool guy, and quite funny. I still don’t know him super well, but it’ll be a good 6 weeks.
I guess to start, we’ve been focusing on going and visiting the members in our area, helping them come up with their own little plan for how they can do missionary work as members. And when we aren’t doing that, we’re biking around, and knocking on doors.
Let’s hope that this week was more eventful than last week…
Well, one fun thing we got to do when Elder Weese was still here was smash a can into my hand. We learned about this trick where you take a can of whatever, and you place your finger on the counter, and you can slam the can down on it, and it’ll bend the can and not hurt your finger. It actually works, so I suggest everyone reading this bashes cans of baked beans into their fingers.
Well, for starters, transfers were wild. We had to drive up with 2 other missionaries, so we had to cram all of their stuff, along with Elder Weese’s stuff, and us 4 clowns into a single vehicle. Elder Weese and I were crammed in the back, each holding a guitar that the other missionaries had, while massive suitcases were just looming over us, threatening to fall and break our necks at a sudden stop of the car. My kneecaps were going through nuclear fusion in the backseat, while the head of a guitar slowly collapsed my collar bone. It was a fun hour-long drive.
We’ve also been talking to the people that work at our apartment complex, and they’re really cool. They told us about free breakfast for the residents, and then gave us 4 college coupon books. One day, we found out they were having a raffle to give away a Google Home, a $50 Outback Steakhouse gift card, or a bottle of wine. So naturally we entered the raffle for free. We waited at the edge of our seats, eager to hear our room number called, so we could claim our prize. We literally don’t drink wine, and aren’t allowed to use a Google Home, so we were shooting solely for the gift card. If we won the wine, we’d give it to someone else, and if we won the Google Home, I’d make a raffle with all the people on my weekly email and then take a video of me drawing the lucky winner, and sending it their way. Then we didn’t win anything. So that was a FAT letdown.
But that’s all good because it did ultimately give me the idea of the raffle with people on my weekly email, so once I find something to give away, I’ll do it. Actually, we’ll do it this week. I’ll spend my time drawing a picture today, and then everyone on my weekly email will be entered into THE RAFFLE, and I’ll take a video of me drawing the name from whatever object I find, and then they’ll win whatever the monthly prize is.
I can’t afford to do it weekly, but we’ll do it monthly. On whatever week the 18th is, because I came out September 18th. So next weekly email, I’ll have the picture drawn up, and the raffle filled. Then I’ll explain how I’m gonna do the raffles in the video I upload. So get hyped, because I need to up my weekly email game and make my legacy unforgettable.
Now we’re gonna talk about what happened last night. So Elder Anderson, my new companion, was telling me about face masks. Face masks were something I had never done, but something I knew basic white girls did. And that it supposedly “cleaned your pores.” But that was the extent of my knowledge on the subject. But like a susceptible bozo, I was coaxed into doing a face mask. WOW that was a bad time. I learned just exactly HOW MUCH I hated the whole process involved. First off, this guy opens a little jar of what looks like swamp-flavored pudding, and then my nostrils are greeted by the smell of Play Doh. He proceeds to take his grubby little fingers and start to wipe it onto his face like Vietnamese camouflage. But I’ll give anything one shot, so I dip my finger in this literally MUD CONCOCTION and start to rub it on my cheek. OH MY. It was cold. Why was it freaking cold??? WHO KNOWS!! But hoo, after that, I couldn’t just stop there, I had to keep going until my entire face was covered, because that’s just WHAT YOU DO I GUESS. I discovered that I, in fact, HATE rubbing cold pudding on my face. Basic white girls out there: How do you do it? That stuff gets me LIVID. Finally, I finish applying the mad diarrhea-green-colored school glue to my face, and walk out of the bathroom. For people who do face masks and don’t wear glasses, they can proceed onward with their lives. But if you have to wear glasses because you got the BUTT END of the genetic code, and you’ve got Great Value quality vision, it freaking sucks. I stumble around like a blind fool, seeing nothing but shapes and shadows, while this cold sludge is plastered across my face. I spent the 30-minute wait just sitting in my chair, staring at the wall while these other missionaries called us and talked to us. Finally it came time to get this Nickelodeon slime off me. So I just planted my face directly in front of the shower head and cranked that knob like I was Soulja Boy. Finally got it all off, and some went into my mouth, so that was fun, but finally, it was done. Elder Anderson is like, “Don’t your pores feel better now? Wasn’t that worth it?” “NO.” I will probably never do face masks again in my life. If I had to sum the whole thing up in a single word, it would be: UNENJOYABLE.
Well, hopefully this email was a bit better. I’ll talk about the raffle thing more next week, and nobody has to do anything to enter, just be on my weekly and you’ll be included. Thanks for reading this.
SHOUTOUTS:
Melanie – I went to high school with her, and met her in an English class. One of my friends that gets my weekly emails told her about them, and somehow sold the idea of reading letters about my life to her. And she joined just in time for the raffle to be started up. She’s pretty cool.
Over and Out
