Finessing Old People
Well, we’re still working out here in Woodward. Things are pretty groovy… we’re living it up. Not too much to do, but we’re finding things and getting more people to listen to us.
Now on to the events of the week:
I got hit in the eye with a tree branch. No cap. Basically, we were doing some service, and I was trimming these low-hanging tree branches, and when I clipped one of them, it dove like a hawk, and finessed right past my glasses, and nailed me right in the eye. It was a wild time, but I don’t blame the trees. I was literally chopping off their arms, Ammon style.
Now this next story begins with a rumor I heard near the beginning of my mission. Since the church owns the cars we drive, everyone who drives has to watch these videos and stuff about how to not be a stupid driver, and you get a card that you have to log in to your vehicle with. And I was told by some guys in the mission when I first got my card that if you ever went over 90mph, they instantly took away your driving card, and you don’t get to drive for the rest of your mission. Now, I assumed that was an easy thing. Not so. We were zooming down the highway, going 75, and we’re behind this semi in a two-lane road, with the yellow stripes where you can cross into the oncoming traffic lane to zoom past grandmas. Well, semi boy was actually semi grandma, and we were gonna pass him. So I poke out, and see that there aren’t cars coming for a bit. So I hopscotch into the lane and start going. The thing is, I didn’t punch it as hard as I should’ve, and those cars were coming a bit faster than I wanted them to. But I was already committed. I couldn’t back down now. So I literally went pedal to the metal, and we shot ahead of the semi and got back in our lane, with seconds to spare. Then I looked at the speedometer, and we were going 94.
Oop.
So I had to explain all of that to Elder Miller, how I’m pretty much condemned to a fate worse than death with that one stunt right there. But it’s now been 4 days since then, and we haven’t gotten anything from any of the big cheeses… So I’m believing more and more that it was an old wives’ tale that if you break 90 you never get to drive again. But if that changes this week, you’ll find out on the next email.
So we have this chess set in our apartment, and we’ll play that sometimes for lunch. But after a little bit, we realized that chess is a children’s game in its current state, so we had to vamp it up to our intellectual level by making minor adjustments to the rules of pawns. We tried having all the pawns act like knights, then like rooks, and then we just started thinking of any other movement pattern they could follow, and played it out. It actually makes the game go by a lot faster when every other move gets rid of someone’s piece.
Then this one time, we were at this family’s house, and I remember hearing their last name being Ramirez or Sanchez, but when the dad goes to get everyone, I quickly ask Elder Miller what their name was, but he’s actually no help at all because he just tells me the dad’s first name. Great. But then they’re all back in the room, and I decide to just send it and ask. So I’m like, “Is your last name Ramirez or Sanchez?” and the dad’s like, “It’s Castro…”
Oop.
So that was riveting. I’d love to live that one over and over again. But I’ll never forget their name now, so there’s that.
I also caught a fly with my bare hands, which made me feel like the pinnacle of the food chain, so that was cool.
Then we were having our SECOND DINNER OF THE TRANSFER, and we went to their house, and he had some breakfast for dinner, truly an ageless classic. But I pound down two big pancakes, and some eggs and sausage, and feel nicely fed. Then of course since they’re old, they insist I have more to eat. So I decide to grab a sausage, and manage to get that down. NOW, I have been stuffed to the brim. But old people are vicious. And the guy insists that I have another pancake. So I slide it onto my plate, and prepare to die. But I have my guy Elder Miller right next to me, and I concoct a recipe for success. I cut the pancake in half, and slowly start on one of the halves. Then, I kick Elder Miller in the shin. I had to get his attention. Then, using only my eyes, I look at the pancake half I’m not eating, look at his plate then look straight at him, desperately trying to convey the message of: HELP ME. Well, dinner goes on for another minute or two, and I’m still working on my pancake, but both old people look down at their food at the exact same time, and like a coiled viper, Elder Miller strikes. QUICK AS A CHEETAH AND SLY AS A FOX Elder Miller snatches the other pancake half on my plate and pulls it onto his plate, and just starts to cut into it. RIGHT UNDER THEIR NOSES!! I was impressed, it was executed flawlessly. Elder Miller saved my life that fateful night, it was glorious.
And that wraps up my week. I know I said I was gonna do THE RAFFLE this week, but the 18th is technically next week, so all of you can learn to exercise patience a little more in your life.
But thanks to the real ones that read these. Out of curiosity, I would like everyone that reads these to email me back something. Anything you want. Whether it be a single word, or just a semicolon. Then my inbox will be POPPING OFF next week when I check all of them. Or I will be seriously disappointed in some people. But what’s new. Anyway, have a good one, catch ya next week.
Over and Out
SHOUTOUTS:
- Bryce – My guy Bryce is gonna be a missionary in SOUTH KOREA!! What a guy! He’s super cool, and he’s gonna kill it over there. He’ll have to learn a WILD language, but that’ll make it so ALL of the friends who are serving missions from my home town are going foreign.