I’m Cute!

So, it’s been a full week, and it’s been pretty righteous. This lady that was on some wild drugs came and talked to me for 15 minutes while Elder Grace got his haircut, and asked me for money and such. Luckily I was able to make it out without giving her all four dollars on my card. Phew.

We’ve been able to find A BUNCH of people who are willing to listen to our message these days, and it’s great! I’m glad they’re being humbled by the disasters of society. Silver linings! Am I right?

So the work is going well! We’re getting this place rolling, and we’re gonna just keep working as hard as we can.

A good highlight of the week was when some random girls walked by us in Walmart and said, “You’re cute.” So of course Elder Grace and I looked around for who else was in the aisle, but it was just us. So I was like, “THANK YOU!” And then I went on my way rejoicing. I’m certain it was a dare from one of them to the other, but in a world where the compliments are few and far between, you gotta take what you can get.

And that’s about it, folks. Nothing too crazy going on. I mean, we’ve got two of the people we’re teaching who are going to be baptized coming up, so that’s really awesome! One of them is this Saturday! So we’re stoked for that. She’s about to make the best decision of her life so far.

Thanks for tuning in gang, catch ya next week!

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

• Peanut Butter Guy – Wherever the man is the invented peanut butter, we collectively thank you. Considering that today is National Peanut Butter Day, I thought we’d pay a special tribute to him. Or her. But I’m going to shovel a massive spoonful of peanut butter into my mouth later today, just for kicks and giggles. If any of you are looking for some fun, time-killing activities, you are more than welcome to join me.

I’m Going to be a Millionaire

Real quick, I wanna clear something up for anyone out there with a skewed misconception of what missionary work is like now. It’s not horrible. It’s no harder than it was before Covid. And honestly, it’s a straight BLAST to be a missionary during a global pandemic and political unrest! Like yeah, times are hard for other people, but as a missionary….

We’re living the dream out here. We’re having the best day every day.

The amount of people who are having hard times has skyrocketed, which means we have more people who are willing to listen to us!! It’s so sick. Not really for them, because their lives are falling apart, but that was gonna happen sooner or later anyway. (They don’t have the gospel)

So to sum everything I just said up: Being a missionary is literally super awesome, don’t be thinking I’m not having a ball out here. No need to trip.

But anyway, as for the things of this week, let’s start with my man Jeff. Now, let me take you back to Tuesday, when Elder Grace and I were raking some leaves for people. We’re doing what rake boys do, and raking up a storm. And then this guy comes walking up, wearing clothes that haven’t been washed since 2018 and a backpack that’s just filled to the brim. I didn’t know what was about to happen, but I knew it was going to be good. And then he did what I never expected… He pulled a gun on us. No not really, he actually offered to help us with the leaves! I think I would’ve been less surprised with the gun, not gonna lie. But he took some of the bags of leaves and tossed ’em in the dumpster for us, and I was like, “Yo this guy’s pretty nice!”

And then he told us how to start a pyramid scheme.

I wasn’t ready for that part. He never called it a “pyramid scheme,” right? Because that’s how it fails. You can’t let people know it’s a scheme. But anyway, he described the exact process of starting one, and how both Elder Grace and I could become millionaires. And as solid as his advice was, one has to wonder why he doesn’t just do that himself… So his credibility was a bit lacking for my taste.

And then when he went to leave, we asked him where he was going, and he told us that he was going to “Pray to mom in spirit, and the clouds would tell him.” Because apparently he had done that earlier and the clouds spelled out the word “South”, and that’s how he knew to come help us with the leaves… Like the whole word South. We asked him and he confirmed that’s what he saw. So wild.

But that was kinda it, as far as exciting things go. We’re having a great time, living the dream, and serving people. But it’s the 18th today… The exact day… So we have our usual…..

MONTHLY RAFFLE:

Maybe you won. Maybe you didn’t. Only one way to find out….

But that’s all I got for you guys, have a killer week!

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

• Jantzen – She was just out here serving in Oklahoma, but she finished her mission and rolled out. She’s a legend, and now she’s gonna be going to college in Utah, which is where 96% of the people I talk to out here are going, so it’s pretty cool. Just an all-around good person.
• Martin Luther King Jr – This guy was like, “Yo, let’s all just get along, regardless of what skin color we have.” And now here we are. What a legend, it’s too bad there are still racist people out there. Don’t be racist. It’s that easy.

Caprs

Literally the most exciting thing that happened was us lighting the oven on fire. That’s pathetic. We can do better.

I mean, we’re working hard with missionary work, and it’s amazing, but like, the same exact email of me saying “we did missionary work” sounds like it would get a little boring. We’re having some sick lessons and helping people fix their lives, but that’s kinda what we do every week. Don’t get me wrong, it’s rad, and I love doing missionary work, but I’m also hoping for some more exciting things to write about in these emails.

Ok wow, I just found something that is more entertaining. So have you ever heard of the Capri Sun challenge? I’ll explain it anyways. So, the name of the game is: Drink 15 Capri Suns in 15 minutes. Sounds like an easy task right? And I don’t know about you guys, but I can down a Capri Sun in a matter of seconds. That’s some easy stuff.

But that’s where arrogance gets the best of everyone. And when you do some deeper research, you find that the average Capri Sun pouch holds 6 fl oz. Now, 15 Capri Suns, that brings us to 90 fl oz. And a gallon is 128 fl oz. Common knowledge. So we know that it’s not an entire gallon, and since the Gallon Challenge is a recipe for failure, the Capri Sun challenge seems like an actually achievable feat. But let me tell you: It’s borderline impossible. I was not the one to do the challenge, and I don’t know if I should be proud or disappointed with that fact, but we ended up telling another missionary about it, and he was so confident that he could do it. Now, his name will not be disclosed in this email, but he’s a shorter fella. Like, 5′ 6″. And he started out SO SURE that he could get this done, but then he started, and got to 11…

His confidence was waning faster than the moon. He tried to keep going, and he made it all the way to 14, which was incredible! But… it took him an hour and 10 minutes… so it’s still written as a failure in the book of life. And then he promptly threw up. And it sounded like a straight waterfall. I’m sure it was 95% Capri Sun coming back out of him. And after he ejected about 5 pouches, he proceeded to pound 2 more down, and finish at 16. But I say it only counts up until he throws up. You can’t fill a gallon bucket with a gallon of water, dump half of it out, then fill it to the top and say it can hold a gallon and a half. But still, it was quite entertaining. If anybody out there is finding their days not filled with enough excitement, I might just suggest it to you.

Other than that, I got news if I’m staying here or not, and I am, so that’s cool. Still gonna be with Elder Grace, so nothing new. He’s cool.

That’s just about it, I’ve got nothing else, and I’ll catch you guys next week.

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

• Classical Music Composers – Have you realized that the OG squad of the 1700-1800s wrote these MASTERPIECES that have literally just stuck around for generations. And like, nobody is making classical music anymore (at least that I know of). And most people know these champs by name. What a bunch of legends.
• Sister Stephenson – She calls Capri Suns “Caprs.” It’s wild. But she’s way cool and really funny.

New Year New Elder Schroeder

Alright, so I don’t have much time. They’re onto me. Some cool stuff happened though, so I gotta make this grubby email.

1. So we say the Pledge of Allegiance at 6:30 in the morning. Every morning, right after we get up, and we’re trying to get everyone else to do it too. Purely out of fun. Our voices are so groggy and we’re not mentally there, but we do it.
   
2. Three high guys came to talk to us while we were in the church. It was quite the conversation. We might’ve thought we were gonna get jumped a lil bit.
   
3. On December 31st, right before we went to bed, Elder Grace gave me a haircut with kitchen scissors.

That’s all we got time for today, hope you guys have a great week

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

• Brittany – She got COVID
• Elder Grace’s Mom – He claims all his haircutting skills came from watching her cut hair, and he didn’t do too bad a job on me