They Call Me Mr. Schroeder

So Christmas was this week, and I totally forgot to mention it in my last email. But that’s all good; nobody even noticed. Until now, because I brought it up. But let’s jump back a bit. Back to before Christmas, where some things happened. To make these quick, we’ll list ’em out:

• Some other missionaries thought I was colorblind. (I’m not)
• Got called “Mister Schroeder” by my mission president’s wife, who is essentially the second-in-command of the whole mission. And for those who don’t know, missionaries go by Elder or Sister, to respect their calling right? Because we’re out here representing Jesus Christ. But then she just full fire called me Mister Schroeder because why not? (She didn’t mean to, but I gotta get people to read these things somehow)
• Talked to a guy who “worships Satan”, so that was quite the exchange.
• Met a lady who claimed she was a witch over Facebook. (There really are some unique personalities in this world)

Alright, here’s the fun stuff:

So we were talking to these other missionaries, right? And I brought up how I am in desperate need of a haircut, but lack the necessary funds for said haircut. So these other elders were like, “We’ll send you some pocket change, then maybe you can afford a haircut.” And as pathetic as that offer was, I wasn’t about to turn down free money, so I was like, “Aight, bet.”

So cut to a few days after that. We get a package slip, and it says that an extra 45 cents are due to get this letter they sent, and we’re like, “Are you for real??” So we end up going to the post office and paying 45 cents for this little letter. It was lumpy and had something inside, so we were like, “Oh this is gonna be great.”

Yeah well, turns out it was a sock. A sock in a letter. They literally mailed us a sock. And we had to pay for it.

They did happen to include some change for us, but it totaled out to be a dollar and fifteen cents. Which we spent 45 cents on. Our net gain was 70 cents and a sock. But as a wise man once said, “Beggars can’t be choosers.”

Needless to say I still haven’t gotten a haircut, since those 70 cents couldn’t quite cut it. Maybe I’ll just take some scissors and give it a shot myself.

And then Christmas rolled around and that was a great time! Never a bad day when you’re thinking about Jesus Christ. Which should be everyday.

But other than that, nothing really noteworthy. Been working hard, bringing people some hope and peace, it’s a good time out here.

Thanks to all of those who took the time out of their day to read this. I appreciate it, even if I’m unaware of who really reads these or not. Have a great rest of your year!

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

• Matt – My guy Matt is a legend. He’s in Utah right now, living life up. He almost died, but through sheer willpower, prayers and modern medicine, he survived. A really good guy and also a 2nd degree black belt. He can throw down with the best of the best, and could for sure put me through a wall.
• Shoutouts – Shoutouts died for a little bit but now they’re making a victorious return.
• Ryan – I knew this guy back in CO, before I bebopped out here to Oklahoma. He’s a missionary serving in Germany right now, which is sick because they just opened up for missionaries again, so that’s cool. He’s a really nice guy, and I just wanna let him know that I read his weekly emails. Keep killing out there, Ryan.

3 Days, 3 Hours, and 3 Houses

Well we had a foot of snow. That was vivacious. I loved it. It was all super light powder though, and you could literally leaf blower it off your driveway. (If Woodward was nice enough to have houses with driveways)

And remember the snowman we made in last week’s email? Well let me tell you what happened there. So we pulled up to the crib, after a good day of doing the Lord’s work, and we notice some movement where our snowman is. Or I should say was. There were these 2 FIVE YEAR OLD SAVAGES, DANCING ON HIS CORPSE. Literally half of the base was left on the ground as they pranced around our greatest masterpiece. I instantly jumped out of the car and drop kicked one of the– No, I’m kidding, I didn’t drop kick them. But we got out of the car and walked past his remains, with tears welling up in our eyes. Then we saw this other ball of snow on the ground, and Elder Grace was like, “That’s his head…” And then I ACTUALLY DROP KICKED THE LITTLE KID

But that was pretty cool. The snowman lasted what? 3 days? That’s good enough for me. Then we drove 3 hours to go to a missionary meeting, which was sick because that’s the first one we’ve gone to in person since LAST FEBRUARY. Also, what the heck is up with February. Everyone knows it’s pronounced Feb-u-ary. But for some reason there’s that schtewpid little r in there. February. Which we NEVER pronounce. English truly is the language of both geniuses and bozos.

Then we went on a big visiting escapade, getting in contact with people who have been off the grid. And we pulled up to THREE houses, right as the people were pulling out of their driveways. IN A ROW. We showed up, BAM. Then we get to the next house, BAM. And ALL THREE of them were down to meet with us. Oh man. That was a miracle. Then on that same day, some people threw snowballs at us, so that was rad.

But that’s the week. Stuff in between, but I try to keep these entertaining.

Thanks to the real g’s out there that read these bad boys all the way through, we’ll catch ya next week.

Over and Out

He didn’t reply….

THE RAFFLE:

Pics:

• There was a really fancy gingerbread house on display in this museum that we serve at. It supposedly took them 6 weeks to make, and it’s entirely edible.

Snow Michelangelo

Not gonna lie, this week was a bit slower…

Now that 40% of the people reading this have left after that first sentence, let’s talk about what happened:

I got called out for wearing a skirt in front of the entire mission. Out of context, yes, that sounds pretty absurd, but it happened. And I wasn’t even wearing a skirt that day…

We got a bunch of snow! It was great, and during our lunch time, we went out to make a snowman. The problem was it was about 17 degrees outside, and after using your bare hands in snow for more than 6 seconds, it just hurt. So Elder Grace had some gloves, and he worked with the main body of the snowman, and I pulled a classic Michelangelo and got a kitchen knife. I began to sculpt his face into more of a ball, and then I whittled down his body to look more like spheres instead of chunks of snow. Quite genius, if I do say so myself. My hands didn’t get cold, and we made progress. Then people walked by and saw me holding a 5 inch knife in my hands and I swear they sped up a little bit. But you know, sometimes it takes centuries before art is appreciated, so they’ll regret passing up on an opportunity to shake hands with a world-famous snow carver.

We did missionary work. But it’s hard to make that sound exciting, when it’s more of a spiritual experience.

But it’s a good time out here in Woodward! It’s great to be a missionary. All of you who don’t get to teach people about the gospel of Jesus Christ… I feel bad for you. But I still appreciate you reading these emails. Have a great week!

Over and Out

The 18th is in 4 days soooo…..

THE RAFFLE:

Pics:

• We got to help serve in a theater
• Making stuff in the snow
• My sculpting masterpiece

Hips That Tell the Truth

Well, I have Elder Grace with me now, so RIP Elder Miller. Elder Miller was a real one, and my favorite comp I’ve had. So I’ll catch him later. But as for the week, we’ll see what happened.

Tuesday was five and a half hours of driving, so that was real fun, then we’ve been doing work.

On a fun note, we almost spent $136 from the church on an ad, but we stopped it before it went up. So when the church is brought to its financial knees, know it’s probably because of me…

Then we had a bunch of video calls and meetings, so that was just a riveting time. It’s actually a blast when we have stuff to do, and we get to go teach people how to have a better life, but sadly that doesn’t happen 24/7.

ALRIGHT: So we went to this member’s house, telling them about Light the World (look it up if you don’t know what it is) and we asked them to pull up this church video on YouTube with their fancy TV, and the lady was like, “This one?” And OUTTA NOWHERE we started listening to the middle of “Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira. Then the member panicked, and eventually started the actual video, but boy, I was not ready for Shakira to be the entertainment of the evening. It was pretty legendary though.

Then this guy we were talking to on Facebook went off about this “vision” he had, which just sounded like a really weird dream with Jesus in it. But we’re gonna see what we can do with him.

Other than that, just working as hard as we can, trying to tell people about how they could literally be happier in life… But people don’t listen, and that’s the struggle of a missionary.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who reads this. I’m very aware that most people who get these emails don’t read them, but hey, we’re all the masters of our own fate. You do you.

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

• Kierra – My gal Kierra (formerly known as Hermana Madsen) went home a few days ago from here. She was someone who we worked with a lot. She’s cool, and we had fun when we would call her for help with Facebook stuff. Just a good person really.
• My Dad – So I’ve been having a lot of wack dreams with my dad in them, which is pretty wild. One time he was a doctor, and had to amputate my arm, but I was trying to convince him that I could keep my arm, and he was like, “Look I’m a doctor, lemme chop ya arm.” And another time he was the “Tag World Champion” and he literally had never been tagged before, so I was just trying to tag him in this giant game of tag. Needless to say, I didn’t catch him… But my dad is cool, I guess that’s why he’s showing up in my dreams.

Pics:

• So I got to see some of my good friends when I went up to get Elder Grace, Elder Williams being the crowning jewel of that adventure.
• The last pic with Elder Miller…