The Bloods and the Cripples
Alrighty, let’s start with some good news: The Unstoppable Child of last week got baptized on Sunday. We finally snagged him. One down, 7.2 billion to go. Other than that, we’ve been slowly trying to find more people and teach the people we have found, but everyone is just, slooping away from us. We’ll have to change our tactics to force. Other than that, it’s been a pretty normal week. I think. Gotta check what happened and type it all out, so here we go.
Well, last Monday I talked about how we were gonna do a zone P-Day, where we all get to hang out and play some fun games, and I didn’t get body slammed into the wall this time, but Elder Spillman ZONKED his toe up playing soccer. So we haven’t really done any biking or walking these week, and we had to drop our pace speed to that of an amputee grandma, as we trudge along with Sir LimpsALot.
Then we were given the address of this new member in the church, and it was to these apartments, that we were SPECIFICALLY told to avoid at all costs. So of course we go to find this man, and we were given naught but 2 numbers, as to the possibility of which apartment was his. So we figured we would just try the two different numbers, hoping that whichever apartment wasn’t his, wouldn’t shoot us. Then we get there and find out that there are apartment buildings A B C D E F G. Sooooo, rather than trying every door, we decided to just, not, and call this guy later. Turns out literally both numbers were blatant lies, and he gave us the real number. Fun enough, when we did meet the guy, he told us how 90% of the people living in these apartments were in a gang, and this was their territory. Yeehaw, gotta love Lawton!
Then when we went to teach Unstoppable Child the final lesson earlier this week for his baptism, we just watched this guy 1-hit KO this girl in the parking lot. In between our car, and the one exit outta there. So you already know that we got to drive between these groups of people, I gave ’em a little wave and a smile. Nobody waved back.
Then on Saturday, our ward was doing a Christmas party, and a talent show with it. Sister Benesch, in one last hoorah, signed up the missionaries to do a talent before she got transferred to a different part of Oklahoma. Snakes everywhere, I tell ya. But yeah, I ended up suggesting we do a skit, so we made the roughest of drafts, and then basically assigned roles and went on. I have yet to acquire the video of it, because the person that took it couldn’t send it to us.
Dang this email has been a NAP, but I might as well include my vow that I made literally moments after getting to Oklahoma. So you know how people say “y’all”? Yeah no. I’m not about that. Like, at all. That work belongs to the hicks, and I literally refuse to use it. I usually say “you guys” or something like “you fools”, but never, NEVER, “y’all”. That word is prohibited from entering my vocabulary, as it forever should be, and forever will be. Miss me with that rodeo talk, ya goofy belt lickers. That might’ve been a little harsh, so anyone reading this that uses the word “y’all”: Sorry for calling you out, but that word is not for me. Hope you don’t hate me for it.
WOWZERS I’m sorry that this email hasn’t been the most entertaining, and I really hope nobody got offended by having me call out the “y’all” users, but we’ll find out next week.
SHOUTOUTS:
Kenny: My man Kenny emailed in with the request, and I will deliver. Kenny is going to college somewhere in Colorado, and he’s having a fantastic time up there. He’s super rad and is a real homie for sure.
Sister Kettring: She’s wack. I don’t even know what to say about her. She was actually just flipping out about the new rules we have now, and didn’t have an answer for when I asked her what she wanted me to include about her in the email.
Sister Taggart: She played this dude named Lemuel in our skit, and she’s got orange hair. She’s more laid back than Sister Kettring, but still quite the hoot.
Sister Howcroft: When I asked what the B on her hat stood for, she told me bad to the bone. And I think that sums it up. She’s still chilling with 6 months left on her mission.
The picture is our zone, and we all were required to buy an ugly Christmas sweater, so I joined the Turtleneck Gang with my super slick attire. Also, whatever impure soul suggested we take this picture on a truck lost all of my respect. Not gonna name names, but I know who did it.
Over and Out
