Macaroni and Hair

Well, we got more stuff that happened this week, which is good. We’re still inside, calling people, studying, all the fun things in life, ya know. But we also had some wild times.

So, since I’m locked up, I’m trying to get those new taste experiences, you get what I’m saying? So I start making mac and cheese. Wild, I know. BUT, I decide to skip the cheese, and instead, I substitute it for hot sauce. And in my underdeveloped mind, I figured it wouldn’t taste like a straight hobo trash can fire. Oh, how wrong I was. I finish making the noodles, and then put ’em in a bowl. Then I just DOUSE them in some hot sauce. Mix it up, take a bite. It was just nasty. Like, to describe it’s flavor, I would just say “Noodles and Hot”, and that’s it. But that was only one bite, so I decided to just add more ingredients ’til something edible actually came out of it. Now, the problem with this skewed logic of mine is that it was based off Ratatouille, the movie with the literal rat chef, which was an idea that someone was able to sell, and another person was able to turn into an actually decent movie. So I slowly grabbed ingredient after ingredient, and one by one, added them to the concoction that was these noodles. Each ingredient simply made it worse, until I gave up. The problem might’ve arose from the fact that I only added spicy things, and other hot sauces, but I’m clearly not Top Chef contender. Oh, also the spoon bent while I was boiling the noodles. So that was cool. We don’t have any real big spoons, but we had this pure plastic spoon. And fun fact: stirring boiling water with a low-quality plastic spoon will cause it to become hot enough to bend out of shape. I ended up having to use it the whole time, because we had nothing else. But yeah, that was a rodeo of a lunch, which ended in me eating Cheerios.

Alright, I brought this up last time, about how we’re gonna be wearing face masks in public. But now that we HAVE to wear them when we go into public, I’m straight walking around like some kind of bank robber looking to pull off a heist. Walk up to people like, “Hey how are you?”, but it feels like I’m saying, “Whatchu got in that purse?” It’s wild. ALSO, for those in the HIGH PRIVILEDGE 20/20 vision gang, you don’t know THE STRUGGLE of a pimp like me.
Every.
SINGLE.
Breath.
That I take, is a direct route speed highway straight into my glasses, which fogs those suckers up faster than a sophomore vaping in a sauna. And then sometimes, if it’s the right temperature outside, it’ll fade away, and give me a brief two-second window to see, before I inevitably have to breathe out and WE DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN! Otherwise it just lingers for the entire time we’re outside. Oh I love it SO much.

And then, the fateful day of Saturday came around. My hair was growing out, and people would call me out for having long hair. Little did they know my hair was twice this length when I was back home, but I decided to cut it. Now, we’re stuck inside, and these other missionaries had some clippers, so we snag those and bounce back home. Then, I walk into the bathroom and start going at it. 40 minutes later, a humbled man walked out of the bathroom, with much less hair. The first thing I stated when I locked eyes with Elder Anderson was, “Call Elder Lara”. He’s the one who owns the clippers we were using. It was brutal in there. I started out strong, going off the top, then I moved onto the sides. I picked the thing that said 1/2″ and didn’t even stop to look at how long it really was, because after I ran that fool across the side of my head, I noticed that there was not half an inch of hair left on the side of my head. But I couldn’t take back the stroke of the razor, so I had to shave the other side to match it in length. The problem is, I don’t have my glasses on, so I’m either making out with my reflection or I’m just going full Stevie Wonder mode while chunks of hair drop into the sink. After I did enough damage, I just gave up and decided to let El Maestro fix this hot blonde mess. So he comes over, fixes it up lickity split, and then, like Hillary Clinton’s emails, disappears. The thing is, since I had cut the hair so short, he had to cut ALL the other sides of my head the same length. Not the top though: I was able to pull off a single victory in the War of Failure. But now I’m going around, feeling like a naked mole rat, while I just wait out the time until I actually have some hair back on my head.

Other than that, the week was pretty much the same. We find things to try and keep doing what we can, like calling members or reading scriptures. But hopefully next week can also have some fun in it. I’m gonna take the unused cheese from the Noodle Incident, if you can even unstand that comedic reference, and make twice as cheesy mac and cheese. So that should just be an amazing experience, no matter what comes of it. Anyways, I hope everyone is thriving inside their houses, because we sure are.

SHOUTOUTS:

  • Elder Miller: This guy asked for a shoutout, and I’m giving him one. He’s out serving a mission in the States, and is riding the struggle bus of figuring out what else to do right along with me. He’s a chill guy, and is killin’ it.
  • Elder Lara: He was able to work his black-blooded barber magic, and save what he could from my hair. This guy is a real G, and lived a WILD life. I say black-blooded because he’s Hispanic, but acts like he’s black.

Alright, we got an abundance of pictures this time. We got the art masterpiece, us wearing masks, me having to use a yard stick to hang up a picture, the stages of the haircut, and then the Mac & Death I created

Also, we got the raffle this week!

Over & Out