10/01/2019 – Elder Schroeder's Mission Blog

Meet the Gang

This week has also been a blast. We have our district of 14 people: 8 elders and 6 sisters. I’ll include stories but other than that, not much has really happened out of the ordinary. It’s really just: wake up, exercise, shower, study, lunch, class, TRC, dinner, class, bed. 3 hours of studying and 6 hours of classes. Luckily our class teachers are radical. Sister Rogers is like 5 foot nothing but she’s really sweet and is all “you guys are gonna be such great missionaries” and then our other teacher, Brother Draper, is like the most hyper man on the face of the planet. Imagine a living energy drink with the drive to share the gospel. Despite him having NEVER had caffeine. Ever. I always just thought that man chugged a thing of Red Bull, crushed the can against his head, and stormed the classroom like a D-Day beach. But I guess he’s just always got absurd energy. They’re both spiritual and it’s really awesome– I couldn’t ask for better teachers.

But rather than rant about how Sister Rogers is low key in a gang and Brother Draper performs LITERAL MIRACLES in class, I wanted to focus on my district. We’ve all grown really close and honestly, they get me through the day. I don’t know which one of these clowns has the picture with all of us in it, but it’s like 8:30 right now, so if I can, I’ll send a follow up email with all the people in our district. Let’s get to it:

Elder Miller: Our district leader and a really great guy. He’s laid back and he lets us do fun stuff when we have time to kill in class. He makes sure everyone is heard and cared for. He said, and I quote, “I got that grandma vibe”. And he really does. Like he squeezed Elder Blades’ cheeks the other day (that man has the stretchiest cheeks I’ve ever seen), but it’s also because he cares about all of us. Even though we roast the ever living snot outta him at every possible moment.

Elder Blades: My theory for him is the MTC gave him PTSD and he developed bipolar from it. Like he seriously is either making gorilla sounds while slamming the basketball into the ground with his head, or he’s telling us that we really need to focus and he can’t concentrate. In either mode, he’s really cool and actually hilarious. He says something random, but 9 times outta 10, it just KILLS me. I would give examples but they gotta have his signature wide-eye monotone expression with them. He’s great.

Elder Farley: You’ve heard of him before, but I’ll talk about him anyway. You can’t stop me. He’s a beatboxing fanatic still, and sometimes randomly talks like Gollum, which is like, seriously terrifying when I’m just about to fall asleep and then the bunk bed demon says something and my heart has to go through relapse in order to get started again. He’s a bit of a nerd, but it’s all good– he’s still a great guy.

Elder Spens: This is a homie. Elder Spens is way cool even though he wears freakin’ cowboy boots on P-day and likes country music, which, I’m still boggled about how human ears can enjoy that horror. But who cares, ‘cuz he can’t listen to it here and I don’t have to hear it. We’re learning hacky sack and I’m not gonna lie, we’re getting better at it. We also work out together every night before bed, which still is leaving both of us six-pack free. He’s a good person to talk to about stuff and is the reason I’ll be working out for the next 2 years.

Elder Archer: A recent convert to the church, but like, he’s way cool. He’s extremely calm under any situation and has become more lax on enforcing the rules like a dictator. But I still love that elder. He’s the guy that is really spiritual, but also makes occasional jokes, that can be a hoot. He’s still really smart and only has a year left in college when he gets back, and I’m gonna miss him in a week.

Elder Horner: He’s the wild one. Straight up. He’s the one that makes pterodactyl noises in the dorm and climbs on the dresser. Story time: It was Wednesday and the new peeps got here. So these 2 poor, innocent souls come walking into their residential building, get to floor 2, still a bit confused and scared and they turn the corner, locking and maintaining eye contact with Elder Horner, who has climbed up the hallway walls by pushing his hands and feet against either side and working his way up. Those poor children. Get these boys some therapy. But he’s still really cool and can be surprisingly spiritual at times.

Elder Birmingham: He’s the opposite of Elder Horner and his unfortunate companion. He is quite quiet and doesn’t really crack jokes, but he’s like Po from Mulan. He’s a real nice guy and you can tell that sometimes he really needs a sanity break. But he’s really great.

Sister Jones: She’s a hoot. She’s really funny and is just great company. She’s keeping a quote book with all the good quotes she hears from us, and refuses to let the elders see it. She’s one of 3 sisters teaching me sign language because they are just, fluent in it for some reason. Super cool and is very friendly and spiritual.

Sister Field: She’s a bit on the quiet side, but she’s also super sweet. The second of the 3 sisters that are teaching me ASL. She is really calm and collected, and just kinda has this aura of peace. Like some type of guru monk. Just a really awesome sister.

Sister Richardson: She’s apparently my 3rd cousin and that’s fun. She’s also the third sister teaching me, so maybe I’ll become fluent in a week. (Not likely) But she’s really funny and almost died yesterday because she started laughing while trying to drink whatever it was that she had in her glass. Another really sweet sister and all in all a great person.

Sister Allen: A straight up bookworm and scriptorian. She knows like 80% of the verses in the Book of Mormon and has probably read half the books mankind has written. She’s really spiritual and helps out all the time with telling us where to find good scriptures we can use. Also really sweet, just like every other sister.

Sister Garlick: She’s really tall and really quiet. But when you talk to her she seems really laid back and stuff. I don’t know all that much about her because she doesn’t open up, but she’s for sure spiritual and cool.

Sister Hansen: She’s really short and really quiet. She doesn’t say all that much, but she loves to smile and laugh. She’s also got that grandma vibe, as well as a spiritual side. Also doesn’t open up much, but she’s great.

Now that this letter is looking like a Star Wars intro, I’ll keep writing because none of you reading this have anything to do with your time besides give me attention. (That’s a joke, please don’t get mad at me) I’m still having the trippiest dreams ever that make no sense but are really fun. My friend Conner wanted me to keep a dream journal, and as dorky as that sounds, that spiral notebook contains basically all the answers of my subconscious. Also learned that Sister Jones has super wack dreams and we ended up spending all of lunch one day talking about them.

Also: at the end of every meal, we all crumple our napkins and try to sink them in other people’s glasses. Elder Miller made the distance shot all the way across the table one time, but I’ve got height. Lemme explain. I was sitting across from Elder Miller at lunch and I just deadstare him right in the eyes. I just hurl the napkin straight up into the air, and after a second and just DRAINS right into his cup. Oh man it was glorious.

Then another day this week I got Froot Loops (sorry Mom, this story will make you weep), but I forgot milk. And I didn’t want to just eat dry ol’ Froot Loops, so I asked Elder Spens if he had some milk. He was like, “I got some Sprite, will that work?” Now….. If you know me…. y’already KNOW where this story is going. So of course I was like “SEND IT” and poured the Sprite into the cereal. Not the worst thing though.

Then on Saturday for exercise time, we went to the field and the grass was wet, so Sister Jones ended up slipping and flailing her arms about, which inevitably found their way right into Elder Miller’s jaw, causing him to bite his lip and start bleeding. Nobody messes with Sister Jones now. Nobody.

But it’s been great here. It might as well be McDonalds, because I’m lovin’ it. Keep sending me emails, and I’ll try to keep being me. Thank you all for the support and I’ll write again in probably 2 weeks, because this next Tuesday will be the day I fly out to Oklahoma, and they probably won’t give me another P-day. Also if any of you have pictures of me, please send them– the rest of the district wants to see what I looked like before I was Elder Schroeder. Thanks again!

Over and Out

And I’ll throw in some pictures I have here:

The district: