The Great British Bake Off

Well, here we go, let’s figure out what’s going down in bean town. We’re still teaching some people, most of them are kids around the age of 10, because they weren’t old enough to get baptized when the rest of their family did, and they just kinda forgot that they weren’t members until we asked them if we could teach their kids. It’s that easy I guess.

But let’s see what other fun stuff happened.

Well, on one of the days, we were in our apartment, just on a phone call with some people, and a storm rolls in. Nothing too crazy, just some rain. But over the course of this call, the rain gets heavier and heavier, and the thunder gets louder and louder. And I was the one talking to the people more, so Elder Horne went over to the door and opened it up, so he could watch the rain fall (because he likes to, I guess). So he’s just standing outside the door, and then suddenly, this massive flash of light blasts through the air, and the thunder just about shook the apartment. Then we hear car alarms blaring in the parking lot right next to us. This bolt of lightning just came in for a good lil’ high five with the ground near our apartment, and it set some car alarms off, it was wild. And of course, Elder Horne just makes a mad dash back inside, as my Vietnam flashbacks start running through my mind again. But man, it was something to behold.

Alright, here’s a moment that represents the pure and blissful grace of God quite well. So I was just eating Oreos in milk, because what’s milk’s favorite cookie, without milk? And I’m trying to get as much milk around this Oreo as I can, without just sticking my hand in the milk. But then the unthinkable happens. I drop the Oreo in the milk. Pure terror raptured my entire being, as my mind cascaded into psychological withdrawal. But in an act of valiant desperation, I plunged my fingers into the milk, and unlike the claw machines at carnivals, I actually got it, and pulled it victoriously from the milk. Oh blessed day, my cookie was recovered from the milky depths of that cup. I felt triumphant. I felt like a champion. Then Elder Horne said it was nasty that I stuck my fingers in milk, and I told him to shut up, because my recovery of that Oreo was gonna be more of an accomplishment than anything he would ever achieve in his entire, pitiful existence. It was a good time.

Then on a phone call with some other missionaries, this one dude (Elder Fillmore) was telling me about this bread recipe that he got that makes the “best bread”. But I told him that I can, as they say in the business, THROW DOWN when making cookies, and he was like, “We’ll have to have a bake off to settle this.” And we called it “The Great British Bake Off.” So we had this meeting coming up where we would be seeing each other, and we would both just bring our delicacies and compare them. Now, his first mistake was that he thought pure bread would best chocolate chip cookies. Fact of life: Bread cannot best chocolate chip cookies. Common knowledge. Then his second mistake was that he forgot I could, as they say in the business, THROW DOWN when making cookies. And I was going to show him exactly how hard I could THROW DOWN with these chocolate chip cookies. You know, that’s what they say in the business at least. So I show up, got these cookies I made ready, and Elder Fillmore walks in with nothing. So I confront this muppet of a man, and he’s like, “Nah nah nah, I got it in the car, I’m gonna do this big reveal at the end of the meeting.” So I’m just like, “Aight.” Then cut to the end, he’s like, “I’m gonna go get the bread.” Which is funny, because that’s the same thing I say every morning I wake up. But he returns with no bread. He actually returns with Tupperware filled with Oreos, as he explains that the yeast he used was super expired, and it turned out to be unintentional pita bread. So they bought Oreos. And that was it. And luckily, the group decision was that my homemade cookies beat his Oreos. I single handedly created cookies that beat out a multi BILLION dollar company. Just sayin.

But yeah, it was a groovy week, things are going good, life is cruising forward, it’s great. Thanks for reading this folks, have a great week.

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

  • Kenny – My man Kenny is getting a shoutout. He hasn’t emailed me in like, three months, but that’s ok, he’s still a real champ. Even if he flakes out on me like this >:(