English, The Language of Fools

Here we go again. This week was pretty good; we’re just trying to figure out our new area, since we gotta pick up everything the past missionaries here were doing. But things are good, Elder Horne is a splendid fella.

The week started with us driving up to switch around with all the missionaries and such, so that was cool to see familiar faces through everyone’s car windows, since we couldn’t get out. But then we pulled up here to Fair Oaks/Forest Ridge. Day 2 of being here I just started referring to it as FOFR (Phoffer). It’s got a “ph” in there because English is a language designed by both geniuses and complete, bumbling doofuses. Gotta love this language. We also got to meet our neighbor Sean. Which is, of course, pronounced “Nay-ber Shawn”. Oh I could go on, but I’m just gonna talk about my week instead.

So allow me to take you back. Back to day 1, in Phoffer. We walk into our place after meeting our good neighbor, and begin to take in the apartment. We had just finished hearing from Sean that our upstairs neighbor was basically a criminal and stole the bikes from the last two missionaries. Cowabunga. So that was some fun news. But we scope the crib out and look around to see what we are gonna have to work with. Eventually I stumble my way into the bathroom, where I find the entire tub lined with body wash and shampoo. All of which are about three-quarters empty. So I just flip the thrifty switch, and decide to save myself both time and space, in one fell swoop. I gather all the shampoos together, and find the biggest of the group. I bop the cap off, and begin to combine ALL of the shampoos together. When the deed was done, the bottle smelled like the 4th ingredient to making the Powerpuff Girls. We had some Old Spice shampoos in there, with names like “Guitar Solo”, and “Captain”, as well as these hot pink ones, labeled “Peachy Breeze” and “Tropical Sauna.” So this concoction of cleanliness took the polar opposites of the shampoo spectrum and just slammed them together, ending up somewhere in the middle. Each shampoo claims to grant the user some beneficial quality, like soft hair or a manly scent. I was invigorated to discover what this final product would be able to do for me. I’m pretty sure that by using this shampoo, you would never cut your hair again, because the very fibers of it would be borderline unbreakable. So this is the path of destiny I have been carving for myself the past week, since it’s the shampoo I have been using every single day. I’ll let you guys know how my hair turns out this next week.

Then, another day this week, we decided to go kick a soccer ball around, because soccer is unquestionably the best sport out there. So we find a little basketball iron cage arena, and start passing it around. To one side there were some other apartments; on the other side there was a pond. Now, Elder Horne hadn’t played soccer for all that long, so he was a little rough around the edges, and he ends up kicking the ball up into the air, and down into the pond. We find this opening to get down to the pond, and pull it out of the grody water. Back to the cage we go. Not even 2 minutes later, Elder Horne picks up the ball, and shoots it at one of the basketball hoops. Now, Elder Horne also hadn’t played basketball for all that long, and the ball just cruises past the backboard entirely, and lands RIGHT BACK IN THE POND. The expression on my face was like the page of an open book, with big red letters reading, “Bro, are you freakin KIDDING ME??” We had to wait around 20 minutes, until the winds of fate decided to finally blow the ball to one of the banks. I looked past his mistakes this time, but the next one will cost him his leg.

Then when I was making Ramen noodles this week, I ended up picking up some noodles with the spoon I was using, to admire my cuisine, when the boiling water that decided to hitch a ride casually ran down the handle and onto my finger. So that was a moment that made me feel truly alive.

Well, this past week was pretty groovy actually, and hopefully this next one can also keep you fools entertained. Until next time.

Over and Out

SHOUTOUTS:

  • Michael – He’s not a missionary anymore, because he finished his time out here. So many good times with this chap. He’s a lad, and it was an honor serving with him
  • Jarom – Same boat as Michael, they sailed off together. Back to being regular people for them. This kid is still, and forever will be, the Piano Pimp in my mind. He plays the piano like a madman, and is just about unmatched in his talent
  • All the moms out there – Mother’s Day was yesterday, and to all the mothers: I tip my hat to your service

Pics:

  • Me and the Hornster
  • The ENDLESS possibilities that can come from nothing but two wooden stools
  • To all those moms out there that didn’t get a Mother’s Day card, I got one for you