The Boiled Vinegar is Back
Huh, where the heck do I begin. Probably the beginning. So last time I left you guys were at the edge of your seats, eager to hear more about the maelstrom of chaos I live in. Well, we played 4 square for a while, and hung out with the other missionaries there until the end of our last P-day, and then I literally don’t remember what we did the rest of the day.
Real quick, I’ll talk about the boring stuff before we get to the other boring stuff: The area I’m in now, Norman, has like NOBODY that the missionaries are teaching. We basically have resorted to solely trying to get members of the church to give us referrals to their friends that might be interested. We tried tracting and knocking on doors, but Elder Weese, who has been here for 3 months, is like, “They either just say they’re not interested, or they pretend to be, and flake out of every meeting with them ever.” And his wisdom has shown this fact to be true.
So we are going to be implementing absurd ways to try and get members to tell us who we can visit by using wack methods, trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t. Some ideas include: Making bets with them. Begging on our knees. Holding them hostage. Bringing cookies. Basically, we’re going to try EVERY idea that we have, that won’t make the members hate us, until we figure out what works and what doesn’t. We really haven’t gotten into it, because contacting every person in our ward takes FOREVER, and we’re only gotten to like, people with last names starting with F, after a solid 8 hours of calling people to set times up. This is kinda boring now, but when we start finding ways to get referrals from them, it’ll be more exciting.
Let’s talk about my new comp. Elder Weese. This guy is pretty great. He’s quite the fella. His sense of humor is unlike ANY that I’ve ever seen. Speaking in a low, quiet voice as you say single words will genuinely cause him to bust out laughing. I have no way to really describe him, aside from a great guy. It’s gonna be a good 6 weeks.
We have some other missionaries living with us that are in the Spanish area, Norman 3. I’m in Norman 4, why there are so many numbers? Who knows. But we have to cram 4 dudes in a single bedroom, until we get a new missionary today, who will bring us up to 5 people in a single bedroom. Get pumped.
I’m gonna talk about them because they are quite the people. We’ll start with Elder Janke. It’s pronounced “janky”. Like the slang term for old man Steven’s 1992 Chevy Cruiser. Don’t know if that’s even a car. But that man is HILARIOUS. He’s way cool and I would love to be companions with him. Not that I’m not stoked to be with Elder Weese, but in the future, it would be sick rad. He’s teaching me piano. Then Elder Alton. Sweet butter. This man. THIS MAN. He spent almost 2 hours one time, telling us about how he would casually MAKE OUT WITH KOREAN MODELS. He then will tell us random facts that he MAKES UP, and then just contradict himself the next day. I don’t even know. It’s wild. Jungle law, ya know? But he’s gonna be going to Peru in a couple weeks, just waiting to get his visa finished. It’s a wild apartment. Every day something different happens. Elder Janke has also had strep throat for the entire week, so he literally hasn’t been able to go out and do any work aside from showing up at church.
Well that was a whole lot of information about my area that probably half the people reading this care about, but that’s fine, now nobody will ask me about it.
THIS IS WHERE THE STORIES ACTUALLY BEGIN
So the stuff before was all really about my new area, so for those reading this for the stories, here they are:
So I’m out here, doing what I do best, learning a new trick here and there, and I end up starting to learn how to juggle. Yes the dominos fell that way. But I’m tossing these 3 little hacky sack things, while Elder Weese just watches in his rolly chair. And then I keep messing up, dropping one or whatever, and Elder Weese hits me with the: “Wow, you’re not that good at juggling.” So I take a hit there, but I retaliate with, “Well actually, I figured out this pretty cool trick a couple minutes ago when you weren’t watching, check this out.” So I start it up again, and after like, 4 tosses, I grab the ball outta the air and just HUCK it at Dr. Critical. He was foolishly sitting with his legs spread, and after the strike of a thousand vipers, he dropped to the floor in pain. Hasn’t commented on my juggling since.
Short little gem was he had a guy that was most likely on crack walk up to us, and then knock on the door we had just knocked on, and then waited there with us for a bit in silence, until he just walked away.
Then when we went to visit a member who hadn’t been contacted in a FAT WHILE, so we stopped by. We talked to her and it was all good, until the man of fiery anger strolled through the garage door. Her husband DID NOT look excited to see us there. He then told us how they were gonna be going to another church. So…… Dang. But then she gave us some freaking SPARKLING WATER to comfort us. Yeah, that didn’t help, it pretty much just made it worse. Soda water, sparkling water, whatever you wanna call it is just disgusting. If I may quote Elder Weese after taking a drink of it, “Wow, I almost threw up after that one. Why am I drinking this?” And I just couldn’t stop laughing at such a relatable sentence. We just kept taking a drink, instantly regretting it, waiting 2 minutes, and then going back for another swig. For those long time readers, you already know that I had some past experiences with the Devil’s Kool Aid.
Honestly, the stories are kinda lacking this week. It’s just madness in the apartment all the time with Elder Alton spouting false knowledge, while Elder Janke is just going back and forth between the land of the living and the dead, and Elder Weese and I are throwing little pass along cards we have at each other. Just pure insanity most of the time.
Well this is a lot of stuff to read, so I hope next week’s will have more story, and less me just talking about this place. I feel some gnarly storm brewing for this next week, so get hyped. Thanks for reading this, and sorry we didn’t have too much crazy in this email.
Pics:
We went to this member’s house and they had a metal Thor hammer they made, it was sick. Then I found a picture of Elder Weese on the computer I’m using, so I threw that in. Then the picture of us in the car with our SPARKLING YAK SPIT. Still, I don’t think I can express the disgust I have towards that liquid, with its two ingredients consisting of water and pure, concentrated pain.
Our new address:
3700 W Tecumseh Road, Apt. 6203
Norman OK 73072
SHOUTOUTS:
- Sister Allen: She radioed in a shoutout, and she shall receive a shoutout. She’s a missionary I met in the MTC, she’s pretty great, and she’s in IN for her mission. She used to be a super famous Instagram art star I’m pretty sure, don’t know what it is, but she’ll probably be famous someday
Over & Out
