I Look Like a Charity Case

So, first off, I’m gonna be leaving Fair Oaks and going to a place called Woodward, which is the butt cheek of the mission, literally the very top left, and the area that is the farthest away from everyone else. So yeah, some fun times.

But anyway, here’s the good stuff:

Well, I had another bake-off this week. I challenged some Sisters to a cookie-making contest, and they foolishly accepted. I don’t know why people accept that challenge; that’s literally my best talent. Imagine Michael Phelps challenging you to a swimming contest, and you just saying “yes”, thinking you can win. LITERALLY NOT EVEN A CHANCE AT SUCCESS!! But of course, these clowns had no clue they were about to be humiliated. And then the time came, and when we compared cookies, well… I THREW DOWN and won by approximately 3 landslides. They made some wack lookin’ chocolate chip cookies with salted caramel drizzled over the top, and I was over here with chocolate chip cookies that got Oreo’s and Reese’s on the inside like a straight THUG. Also, their cookies were mad salty, but I didn’t have the nerve to tell them I was eating a cow lick, so we just never had a clear winner. (Actually we did, and it was me, but that shall remain unspoken.)

We also got to help some people move into their apartment, and of course, they made a tactical error and tried to pay us. Like, bro. What are you even doing? Get that wack stuff outta here. It’s called service for a reason. What is it with people trying to pay me these days, honestly. I guess I just look SO trashy, they decide to take pity on me.

But then get this: A member came to drop off dinner to us one day, and he asked if we needed anything, and the sole of my shoe was like halfway off, so I asked him if he had any shoe glue or something like that (cuz I had tried using Elmer’s Glue, but that’s about as effective as rubbing sand and water on it, so I had to figure something else out). But this guy literally saw the shoes and was like, “It looks like you just need new shoes. What size are you?” And I told him, and this ALPHA MALE just pulls up Amazon and straight buys me new shoes. BRUH. And I was trying to stop him, cuz I’m no charity case, but he didn’t care. He was like, “Too late, they’re ordered, and they’ll be here on Tuesday.” But like, I’m traveling all the way up to the butt cheek of the mission on Tuesday, sooooo…. I guess we’ll try to get that all figured out tomorrow. But what a Chad move. He pulled that off, just flexin’ on me like that. I’m super grateful though, I can’t be complaining.

Alright, HERE’S THE GOOOOOOD SAUCE:

So, there’s this random guy who rides a four-wheeler around the church parking lot. He lives just down the road from the church. And we’ve seen him just zoom by many times, so one day we decided we would go outside as he’s coming around, and see what he does. Will he flip a 180 and hope we don’t yell at him? Will he give us a hearty wave? Maybe he just won’t care, WHO KNOWS?? So we had to see. And we hear that little ATV come zoomin’ by, so we pop outta the door, and look to see where our guy is. Well, we see him, and he’s zoomin’ all right, just gunnin’ it down on one end of the lot. But then, rather than turn and follow the parking lot like we thought, this man LITERALLY just DRIVES STRAIGHT THROUGH THE SURROUNDING FENCE. Like, he just SENT IT. He crashed through it, and into this car dealership on the other side. He’s near the other end of the parking lot, so we’re all there, jaws dropped, wondering what we should do. So we start to walk over there, and after about 30 seconds we hear that trusty ATV rev up again, and he kicks it outta there. We were so confused. He was facing forward the whole time, and he had to drive up onto a curb in order to even get to the fence, and then he had to be going fast enough to break THROUGH the fence. Cut to about two minutes later, with us wondering what to do and laughing about what just transpired. The same ATV comes back into the parking lot. But the guy that was riding before isn’t on it this time– it’s these two random girls who pull up next to the church’s front entrance and proceed to do a PHOTO SHOOT. LITERALLY, ONE OF THEM STARTS POSING ON THE ATV WHILE THE OTHER SNAPS PICS IN FRONT OF A CHURCH. WHAT?? Anyway, after they drove off, we ended up talking to the car dealership guy when he came through the fence, told him what we saw, gave him our number and dipped. I don’t know what was going through that man’s mind, if anything, but I would be willing to give all 3 dollars in my wallet to find out. The closest guess we have is either drugs or absolutely zero impulse control. “I could just drive right through that fence…… I think I will.” Oh my concerto. I’m still lost about the whole thing.

But yeah, that’s the week. I’ll let you know more about Woodward and my new comp Elder Miller next week, but until then, keep it tight, thanks for reading this.

Over and Out

And I say thanks for reading this because I FOUND ANOTHER PERSON THAT DOESN’T!!

RAFFLE:

SHOUTOUTS:

  • We’re just gonna list a few names this time, and if you see your name, shoot me an email, just so I get an idea of how many people even read these, because I could be spending my precious P-day time playing games, but instead I type all this out. So if not enough people respond….. Don’t be surprised if this is the last email I send out.
  • Kyle
  • Nick
  • Conner
  • Sadie
  • Abby
  • Brooklynne
  • My own dad
  • Kenny
  • Bryce
  • Eliza
  • Ethan
  • Patrick
  • Ryan

Time to weed out all the snakes…

Pics:

  • I made an Infinity Gauntlet
  • The fence that mad lad drove through
  • We got together for a missionary meeting and then climbed in the church bus and took a sick pic